Home and Away - The best of both worlds?
Work Related Travel is Good for a Season
“Do you think we can keep the cat?” I was incredulous. Here the world was falling apart on 9/11, I was away from my family due to my work, and my wife was asking me if we could keep the cat that had shown up on our front door.
Such decisions are best made as a couple, with thoughtful debate, but my firm reply heightened the urgency of the situation at hand. “I can’t think about a cat right now, honey, I’m trying to figure out if I’ll ever get back home to be with you and the boys.”
This story highlights the difficulties of working away from home. It is hard enough normally to establish priorities in your household, but when a spouse has to be away from home for extended periods of time due to employment, planning and order become even more difficult. Therefore, it behooves the couple to be proactive in communication and planning in order to maintain some semblance of purpose and uniformity within the home.
Benefits to long distance employment abound. Often opportunities for career advancement and financial gain exist if you are willing to travel. Being known as a willing traveler can set an employee apart as someone who is flexible, determined, a big picture thinker, and concerned for the well-being of the company.
Unfortunately, the downside of being away from your loved one and family can be substantial. Long distance relationships are no relationships at all. Some couples prefer living long distance in order to minimize conflict and maximize a sense of intense happiness when together.
I don’t understand how these couples maintain the love. The façade of love evaporates after a period of time while conflict is ultimately unavoidable. The greatest danger of these scenarios is the temptation to “love the one you’re with” rather than the one you are committed to.
I personally am willing to live apart from my family only for a season. I am willing to travel, but as I get older my priorities are switching to stay at home as much as possible. I can make money and see the world and get ahead in my life but I cannot miss my kid’s soccer games or see how my wife is growing and changing for the better. Neither can I pretend that my wife will maintain the love, or me for that matter, if we are not being intentional in our relationship.
I encourage each couple who has the opportunity to travel significantly to talk through the decision carefully. Ask yourselves these questions – How long will I be away? Will the increase in income allow us to do something special? How long can we survive being apart from each other? What will be the short and long term impacts on our children? Finding the answers to these questions will help you to make a good decision the entire family can appreciate.
One possible solution for families without young children is to take your spouse along. It may cost you additional funding, but it may save your marriage. And if you must live apart for extended periods of time, be sure to talk regularly and run home frequently.
I am thankful for a spouse who loves me and is willing to flex with the needs of our family.
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